This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
