I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
