the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Someone came in the potted fern
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
