All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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