Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
