I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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