hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
