He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
