Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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