We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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