Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
