I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
