Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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