He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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