Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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