Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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