i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
