Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
