Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
