i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
