My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
