Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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