Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
