So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
