Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
