my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
