I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm bleeding and have questions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
