**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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