Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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