there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
