He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im holly from the hills drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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