i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
