she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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