the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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