Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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