you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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