i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
