just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
