A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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