I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
