I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
