Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
