I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
