Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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