So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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