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haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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