Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
