I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
