Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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