remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
