4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
