I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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