the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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