Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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