I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
