you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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