Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
