Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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