So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
