he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
