found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
