I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
