he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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