Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
