can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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