There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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