It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
