3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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